Yesterday, I was walking towards a door. A man was walking in front of me. He opened the door for himself but let it shut in my face even though he was perfectly aware that I was right behind him. He didn't even bother to leave it open for me or to let me walk in first as he held it open! I stared at my reflection in the glass door in shock... thinking "
insufferable man!"
Yet this isn't the first time an instance like this has happened. In fact, it occurs a great deal. Which got me thoroughly thinking...
It could be that these men are simply devoid of manners (reasonable presumption) but on top of that, I really believe the real reason is that women simply don't appreciate men anymore. I don't intend to put all women in a box by saying every single one of us are that way but I believe a majority of us are guilty of putting down men... being manipulative... not appreciating their small acts of service... etc. Why should we be surprised then when some men just lose the urge to be gentlemen?
On this Father's Day, I think about my own dad and how I've treated him. It absolutely boggles my mind how selfless he is. He has always been 100% loyal to the family. Always sacrificing. Always forgiving. Extremely generous with whatever he had. A true protector. Genuine listener. Avid learner. Quick to admit when wrong. Defender of truth. A servant in any capacity. And the guy who always roots for the underdog. lol He has his faults... but today I was realizing how almost endearing they are in spite of how annoying they can be sometimes. lol
Do I tell him these things? Unfortunately I don't. It has become slowly revealed to me more and more how much men need to hear words of affirmation from us. Women expect to be appreciated for every little thing... but some hardly utter a thank-you when a man sacrifices personal comfort or time to assist us. Its as if we think we just deserve that treatment when in reality, we don't.
Men give the woman the last chair. They hold her to let her feel protected. They wrap their coat around her shoulders (because she forgot to bring one ;). They fight their way through traffic to make sure she can be dropped off right at the front door. They allow her to go first. They're the ones who walk into the dark house or room first... making sure its safe. They walk on the street side of the sidewalk... protecting her from traffic. They work the late hours in order to remain successful in their job (who ever thought that working hard to make a decent living only meant working those 8-5 hours?). They offer to carry the heavy stuff. They pick up the tab or at least always offer to do so. They defend her honor. They tell her the areas of the city to avoid. They tell her how beautiful she looks. Its these little things that seem so small but each one should mean so much to the recipient. Each act of kindness should mean something so special.
It amazes me how we have turned society around from being a male focused society to almost spinning to the exact opposite. We wanted equality... why don't we give it? Men need to feel just as appreciated as women do. Equal in every realm.
Just as women need to hear that they're beautiful... men need to know that they are strong and manly and handsome.
Women need to hear "thank you" and other words of praise... men need to know when they've made excellent decisions or did the right thing.
Women need to hear that their effort is appreciated... so do men! They might even need to hear it more than women do.
Just as women want to hear that they're simply precious and unique... men need to know that they're irreplaceable. One in a million.
It is slowly dawning on me that men really are as emotional as women. They have a majority of the same feelings... they just do a fantastic job of hiding it 90% of the time. I wish I had the same ability! :)
Men need to feel that what they're fighting or working for is worth it. Even if that means working in a factory making light bulbs. It matters! It may not be his dream job, but what would we do without the Edison invention? We should look at the work they have accomplished and simply beam with pride.
There will always be another person after another who seemingly matches up to all of ones assumptions of perfection. Someone more attractive. Someone more intelligent. Someone more graceful. In talking with other girls, it is so entirely difficult for many of us to not compare one man to another. That is probably the greatest root problem there. Absolutely no man is perfect and its more than likely that they all have similar flaws. Not to say that men don't do the same when comparing a woman to another... but they don't voice it as much or let it cause a rift. They're loyal. And we could learn a lot from men about loyalty and respect.
Men can be equally guilty of not appreciating women as much as they should, but I'm just talking about women right now.
Women: please take time (especially today) to thank the men in your life for their love, support, and sacrifices.
Now I'm off to celebrate Father's Day with my dad and grandfather :)
Tomorrow evening, I'm taking him shopping for a new wardrobe :) While men are all-round wonderful creatures... they sometimes need a little nudge when it comes to fashion
We'll have him looking dapper in no time.
Happy Father's Day!
Comments (270)
awwww so well-written and so true. I grew up with four brothers and all their friends, and reading this i've realized just how gentlemanly they were even when they received nothing. Thanks for the reminder to show my appreciation:)
"men really are as emotional as women. They have a majority of the same
feelings... they just do a fantastic job of hiding it 90% of the time" - BINGO
"it is so entirely difficult for many of us to not compare one man to another. That is probably the greatest root problem there." - true story
It amazes me how often women dehumanize and abstract men.
Well written. Thanks for saying something like this.
I was telling my dad today how society seems to put all the focus on mothers and because of that father's day isn't as recognized. Society seemingly tries to portray an image that woman does everything. Father or not, men are definitely not appreciated nearly enough. Great post.
Yeah, women suck.
Great post =]
yah......yah...thats totally true..........hooray for you...one woman finally figured it out...after like a bazillion years...u roc..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i also own the rebootie site..i just wanted to rec this twice.......................:o)
Good post. I've witnessed first hand how emotional men could be.
I was raised to be curteous and respectful towards women. Then several years ago, I came across a situation very similar to yours, except that I tried to hold the door for a lady and was met with an angry "I can get it myself". When I found myself leaving this establishment just ahead of this same lady, and not desiring any more verbal abuse, I just let the door swing shut in her face, while she stood there with her arms full, if looks could kill...
This was an isolated incident, I still hold doors, open car doors, give up my seat...etc.
We men are masters at hiding our feelings, but it doesn't mean they're not there.
Very well written. Great post.
THere are soo many nice father's day posts today and now I feel as if I should have one, but I dont think I will jump in the bandwagon. Maybe you said enough for both of us!
This is an eye opener. Too many times we forget that men have feelings and can appreciate courtesy, respect and pampering just like a woman can.
just make sure feminazis don't read this or you'll have a field day...
@leadworshipper82@revelife - Haha. I almost put a warning on top... "fierce feminists won't like this post" ... then decided not to.
They'll just have to get over it... ;)
My dad is the best male out there. I shower him with kisses as much as possible :)
Every good man out there should feel appreciated.
Mmm, have noticed that men can be more emotional than women.
From a man who has felt under-appreciated more than once in his life, thank you for writing this.
@londonsgirl - i'd have to say that for all the guys out there who feel under-appreciated... it's refreshing to read/hear/listen to a gal that'll say what you wrote... though more or less... dudes don't need verbal affirmation per se since dudes need to be dudes and more than fall into emotionalism... but it's definitely appreciated to be appreciated...
you're right... feminazis will just have to get over it...
This was such a true, and most needed post on xanga! And for everyone to hear. Men really and truly are underappreciated. How many times do you hear women being called "dogs" or "pigs." Those are such hateful remarks to the male gender and it's a bad stigma that men have to overcome. They have a lot of pressure these days, and not enough praise.
So thank you! Thank you! Thank you! =)
@JadedJanissary - the word "dehumanize" was very accurate... and strikingly true. I hadn't even thought of it like that before.
Thanks for the feedback :)
@SimplyNita - Thank you :)
Strangely enough, it can be a bit frightening to see a man get emotional.
Awesome post =D
@rnjennison - Thanks for the thumbs up! I appreciate the feedback :)
i myself am guilty for not appreciating men. i have a boyfriend and i take everything he gives for granted.
he does everything for me. and i just accept it. i do appresiate it, just dont give some respect back. i dont do half the things he does for me. but we discussed it and i'm going to do just as much things for him, cause he deserves it
:) thanks for this post.